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News system is strong, New York Times says

News system is strong, New York Times says

A.G. Sulzberger, publisher of the New York Times, sought to allay fears that a run on news items might leave the paper without anything fit to print. “The state of the news industry is strong,” he said. “If you go to the paper, you will be able to withdraw all the news you want, subject to limits imposed by your prescription package of course.”

Secretary of Information Dolly Parton agreed. She stated that the run on news items began when the Larchmont Public Library began offering the paper to its patrons for free. “That Library serves a very well read population,” she said. The Times should have planned for the sudden spike in demand when the Library activated the service. “Luckily we were able to persuade the Washington Post and the Wall Street Journal to lend some news to the Times on an emergency basis.”

Parton refused to confirm or deny rumors that her department was looking at tighter regulations to prevent future overreaching by other news organizations. “Obviously it is something we are looking into, but that doesn’t mean it is either wise or necessary.”

Asked if being the first head of a brand new department of the federal government made it easier or harder for her to forge a deal, Parton said, “Gosh! I wouldn’t know. I just did the best I could. They are all reasonable people. All we had to do was get together and figure it out. Of course, everything looks hard at three in the morning.”

Note: All jokes aside, the Library really does provide the daily New York Times for free download. Click here to learn more.

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